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  • Writer's pictureAlyona (Aly) Cerfontyne

How To Know If You're Having Enough Sex in Your Relationship

It can be hard to define what "enough sex" means in your relationship. If you're not having sex, do you want to? Is it because of a lack of interest or just a busy schedule? Are you feeling satisfied with how often your partner wants to have sex with you? If so, great! But if not, then maybe it's time for both of you to talk about how that makes each other feel. Maybe your partner feels the same way. You won't know unless you have an open discussion about your sex life, which is important in any short or long-term relationship.





What is sex to you?


We might all think sex is the same thing for everyone, but it’s not that simple. The definition of sex is quite diverse for many people and many couples do not share the same definition. Therefore, communication about it what sex means to you and your partner is key! A couple of things to consider include:


  • Ask your partner what they understand as sex. Does this mean penetrative sex only? Does it mean a lengthy make-out session or oral sex?

  • Ask your partner what sex means to them and what it looks like to them. Does it mean you must have an orgasm? Does it have to be an experience of connectedness or simply the act of doing?

Talking about the basic definition of sex and what it means for both you and your partner will help you to discover how you both feel about sex.



You're happy with your partner


Here are a few signs that you're happy with your partner:


  • You feel comfortable with them.

  • You feel safe with them.

  • You feel like you can be yourself around them.

  • The two of you can talk to each other about anything, and they'll be understanding and supportive (as opposed to making rude comments or laughing at you).

If you feel like you are happy when you are with your partner, you may not have any problems when it comes to your sex life. On the other hand, you may be having a great time with them but you feel like the sex isn't consistent enough or not as pleasurable as you'd like it to be. If this is the case, this is certainly a cause for communicating your needs with your partner.




You are both willing to try new things.


You both love to try new things.


If you're in a great relationship, you and your partner will be open to trying new things together. You might have tried something previously that was not so enjoyable, but there's no reason why it can't be done again with different results! Maybe the first time around one of you was a little hesitant about the activity, but now there is an openness to give it another shot. If either of you is reluctant or afraid to do something new in bed, then this is probably not the right relationship for you. The goal should always be shared pleasure between partners; if one person doesn't want to do something because they feel uncomfortable or scared, then respect their wishes and don't push them into anything they aren't ready for yet (or ever). But if both people are willing and excited about trying something new together—go ahead! It may be just what breaks up an otherwise boring routine. Or at least it may make up for a few lacklustre nights earlier in the week when neither party wanted anything other than Netflix bingeing on the couch with junk food nearby instead of spending time connecting physically together as well as emotionally through conversations about life goals/dreams/goals...





The timing is right for you both.


Sometimes, timing is everything. That’s especially true in relationships—but it can also apply to other aspects of life as well: your career, fitness regimen, hobbies and even vacations. In short, the timing might not always be right for you if one person has been trying to put the moves on their partner for a while but nothing seems to work out when they do. Timing is important because it often determines whether something happens or not - or if it does happen then whether or not there's success involved with that action or event. So yes: timing matters! In this case, we're talking about how much sex each person wants without feeling pressured into doing something they don't want because someone else wants more physical contact than they do on any given day...or week...or month...or year (you get the point).



You're comfortable being physically close.


Being physically close is a good indication that you're comfortable being close with your partner. Physical touch can achieve this in many ways, but it's important to note that physical closeness helps you feel more connected to them and can make physical intimacy much more enjoyable. Physical closeness can be as simple as cuddling up on the couch together while watching TV, holding hands or sharing an umbrella during a rainy walk. If you haven't done these things recently, it may be worth giving them a try!



You enjoy each other's company, even when you aren't having sex.


If you’re in a good relationship, sex isn’t everything. You and your partner will enjoy spending time together even when you aren’t having sex. This is important because it shows that you can be intimate without having sex all the time. Some couples may expect that they need to have sex with each other every day for their relationship to work, but this isn’t true at all! If something is making one person feel pressured or uncomfortable in their relationship then they should try talking about it with their partner instead of just ignoring these feelings until they go away on their own (hint: this never works). If something makes your partner or yourself uncomfortable then maybe there are ways you can both change things so that everyone feels better about the situation together.



Either way, it's all about how it makes you feel, not what anyone else thinks or believes.


At the end of the day, the most important thing to consider is whether you and your partner are happy. Some couples want and need sex every single day. That doesn't make them right or wrong; that is what makes them happy. But, if you and your partner are happy having sex once in a blue moon and physical connections happen around that, then so be it. It is important to do what makes you happy. You and your partner just need to focus on what makes you both feel good and what makes you feel loved and cared for. If you're not happy, but your partner is, again it's time to communicate your needs and discuss things further. When it comes to whether you and your partner are having enough sex or not, always remember to do what makes you feel good about your relationship!

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